Dick Cheney's Other Big Secret

Dick Cheney in all his glory, as snapped by Milwaukee Journal Sentinel photographer Dale Guldan. The photo ran on the front page of the paper's Metro section last September 11:



The story of the photograph, from The Milwaukee Magazine:

Guldan got a call from a reader the next day. “Did you notice anything unusual about that picture?” the reader asked. Upon closer inspection, it seems the vice president’s smile was not his biggest, ahem, asset. Is that what we think it is?

“You’re not imagining it,” Guldan says of the unintentionally revealing photo. Let’s just say the snugness of Cheney’s pants left little to the imagination, and we’re not talking about his waistline.

One Journal Sentinel reader pointed out the blooper in an e-mail to WKLH-FM radio hosts Dave Luczak, Carole Caine and Kevin Brandt, who had a hoot talking about it during their popular morning show. “It’s nice to have someone of that magnitude in the White House,” Brandt joked. “He’s got a porn career right there,” Caine snickered.

I normally wouldn't bother with a story like this. But there's something about it that bothers me. And I'm sure some of you will think I'm crazy for even mentioning this. But you see, there's this very strange book, titled Trance-Formation of America....

Published in 1995, Trance-Formation is the autobiography of alleged CIA mind-control subject Cathy O'Brien, and describes incredible scenes of ritualized truama, perpetrated by some of Washington's most prominent figures. Dick Cheney, the then-former Secretary of Defense, plays a not insignificant role.

Even to some who accept that Project Monarch is genuine, O'Brien's story is simply beyond belief. And frankly, that's where I've placed much of it. And some of it does read like porn for the paranoid mind.

But here's a passage:

Dick Cheney had an apparent addiction to the "thrill of the sport." He appeared obsessed with playing A Most Dangerous Game as a means of traumatizing mind control victims, as well as to satisfy his own perverse sexual kinks. My introduction to the game occurred upon arrival at the hunting lodge near Greybull, Wyoming, and it physically and psychologically devastated me. I was sufficiently traumatized for Cheney's programming, as I stood naked in his hunting lodge office after being hunted down and caught. Cheney was talking as he paced around me, "I could stuff you and mount you like a jackalope and call you a two legged dear. Or I could stuff you with this (he unzipped his pants to reveal his oversized penis) right down your throat, and then mount you. Which do you prefer?"

When I first read this, the most incredible aspect of O'Brien's entire tale was the prospect of Dick Cheney having an oversized penis. The second, the image of Cheney as a huntsman. Yet we've seen many stories in the past year or so regarding Cheney's "thrill of the sport." (For instance, his bagging 70 pheasants last December, and duck hunting with Antonin Scalia as his bid to keep secret the details of his energy policy came before the Supreme Court.)

Perhaps, in the mid-90s, O'Brien had learned enough about private citizen Cheney to know he loved to hunt. That makes sense; I can see that. As for learning enough about Cheney's privates, I suppose it comes down to this: either O'Brien got lucky, or she got unlucky.