Saturday, April 16, 2005

"Knowing I live in a dark age"



Knowing I live in a dark age before history, I watch my wallet
and am less struck by gunfights in the avenues
than by the newsie with his dirty pink-chapped face
calling a shabby poet back for his change. - Milton Acorn

You may know the film Blue Velvet.

If you do, you know the scene between Jeffrey and Sandy in the car, parked outside a church. They'd been playing junior detectives since Jeffrey found a severed ear in a field, and now Sandy wants to hear what he learned in the apartment of the mysterious Dorothy Valens. Jeffrey's learned a lot; some of it about himself. What he's learned of others, he tells Sandy.

Dorothy's husband Don and their young son have been kidnapped by a man named Frank. ("I think he is holding them to make her do things for him.") The ear had been Don's, and was cut off as a warning for Dorothy to stay alive. ("I think she wants to die.") Frank deals drugs. Something Jeffrey doesn't discover until later is that Frank has some of the police force working for him.

When he's finished, Jeffrey turns to Sandy and blurts out, with comic anquish (this is, after all, David Lynch): "Why are there people like Frank? Why is there so much trouble in this world?"



It’s 7 am, I pick up the phone. Half asleep, "Hello?"…An oddly familiar male voice says: "Is Twee there?" "Who?" slowly, enunciating, he says: "Twee". "No!" I half yell, not knowing why. Who is this person waking me out of a sound sleep and asking for, did he say Twee? Yes. Asshole. I look at the screen, there is no number listed, it says "Restricted". Oh, great. I roll over and go back to sleep. [From the email of a survivor of ritual abuse/mind control, reproduced with permission.]

"Why are there people like Frank?" The question isn't terribly penetrating. Not these days.

Think of what Frank Booth has made of himself in the nearly 20 years since the film's release. He's a congressman, he's a doctor, he's a judge, he's a Vice President. Frank Booth has done well for himself.

"Why are there people like Frank?" Because there can be people like Frank. Because people like Frank, who employ the police, get away with it. Because they are the government.

To Jeffrey's question, Sandy responds by recounting a dream:

In the dream, there was our world, and the world was dark because there weren't any robins, and the robins represented love. And for the longest time, there was this darkness. And all of a sudden, thousands of robins were set free and they flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it seemed that love would be the only thing that could make any difference. And it did. So, I guess it means that there is trouble until the robins come.

One way of solving the philosophical problem of evil is to do away with good. Because good is the singular problem for people like Frank.

Rather than ask why such people exist, a better question for our dark age may be, Why are there people like Sandy? That's the question that troubles the Franks, who trouble the world. They see the good and despise it as weakness, yet it remains a mystery to them. For the suckers they assume a display of sham piety, but they regard themselves as raised above the slave moralities of meat puppets, who still believe in justice. (The Bolivaran Revolution, perhaps, is a mystery the Franks find inexplicable and ridiculous, as they must have found Che Guevara's words, that "the true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of love.")

And I have a low bar when it comes to doing good. I mean simple things. Like calling someone back for change. Like not killing innocent people. Like not harming children.



"Twee" I start to raise my voice. "I know who Twee is, oh God, I know who Twee is!"

That phone call, it was no accident, no wrong number. I am "in session" with my therapist. My head has been spinning and I can’t get clear, I can’t get out of whatever has turned my thinking to mush for over a week. Finally, near the end of my hour, it starts to come. Twee is 3. Corroboration from narrative memory: mother never let me forget how I couldn’t pronounce my r’s and l’s as a child. How clever. I remember the doctor asking "And how old are you?" Holding up 3 fingers I say, proudly, "Twee". "Ah, then, that is what we will call you."

Sometimes I feel as though I'm hiding in Dorothy Valens' closet, seeing more than I was prepared to see, wondering how I got there, and why. And knowing, if I can't come up with some good answers, soon, then there's that later scene with Frank, where he looks over the car seat, takes a hit of gas and murmurs "You're like me." Without good answers, I'll have nothing to say to that.



"Lie down here now little girl." He says, guttural, thick, German.

His stubby fingers point. I am on the table and my arms are being clasped in the leather buckles. "What is your name?" He asks. I am so young, but somehow I know to say "Twee". "Watch." He points to the ceiling. I see a picture above me, it is just a black line on a white background, it is like a movie, it is made with light. There are wires on my head. I am terrified. The table begins to turn. I do not know how it is done, how is the table turning? "Watch!" He yells. I stare at the ceiling as it begins to turn around too. If I try to look away the pain starts, searing pain in my temples, down my legs, my toes? I can’t really feel them. I don’t know where they are. The black line begins to make a blurry picture. It is all I know, it is all I can see, the tornado. There is fatigue, and nausea, and I want it to stop, please stop. I cannot make my eyes stay anymore. I start to cry, but I know better because the searing pain comes quickly again.

Rather than bleeding hearts, we need big hearts. Heavy, swollen hearts, that just can't bear anymore. And because they can drive us to action, rather than to the dead end of cheap sentiment, hearts like those can become weapons.

The late Canadian poet Milton Acorn, who wrote "Take this heart to grow a man around," also wrote this:

Doctor listened with his stethoscope
To my inner machinery, and said
"You've got a big heart; thumping out time
All around your chest."

I said, "Yes I know
Since every undeservedly aimed blow
Ever driven at anyone has hit it.

"It's swelling all the time with hope
For this one, that one, others popping out
From wombs firing like machine-guns;
Each new person jumped and mugged for profit,
Learning language by hearing himself cursed
For being here and ever having done
Anything except for a bully's gain:
Starting with the crime of birth.

"Doctor: it's for a bomb I need this big heart
To smash those liars into a great squashed stain
When the pressure jumps too much, and it blows apart."

32 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found tears welling up at those last lines.

Thank you.

I think you are going to be a very, very good catalyst. So watch your back, the liars won't like that.

8:35 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I asked God last night, "Why did I agree to come to this dark world? Why am I here?" I later fell asleep feeling hopeless.

After reading this post, I know why I agreed to come be here, at this time, with this childhood.

Thank you, Jeff.

11:21 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brice Taylor:

A lot of that was being sat in a chair that looked like the NASA space chairs, where I would be strapped in. A lot of the equipment that I imagine was used by the astronauts was used on me. A lot of the spinning, the weightlessness, being put into sensory deprivation tanks. Being subjected to a lot of the light and sound along with electroshock. A lot of that where I was being delivered information like, I would have on headphones and in one ear I would be hearing one sound and in the other I would be hearing other sounds. I was programmed with tones, so a tone on a phone would have a specific meaning that would be subliminally and subconsciously connected with a command. When I was initially healing, when I would try and dial the phone, I would hit the numbers and hear the tones in my ear, it would scramble me and I couldn't think straight. I couldn't function. It was a matter of going back and consciously realizing that these tones were connected to commands that I no longer needed to follow and it took several years for that not to affect me. It still affects me; however, the equipment they used oftentimes in the auditory was using one sound in one ear, and one sound in the other which confuses the conscious mind and sends a message straight into the unconscious which is a very powerful way of controlling a person.

Wayne Morris:

Do you know what kinds of things they deliberately did to prevent you from remembering?

Brice Taylor:

I don't have my diagram with me right now, but off the top of my memory, they gave me programmed commands that should I begin remembering, I would become confused. Should I begin remembering, I would feel tired and fall asleep. Should I begin remembering, I would have migraine headaches. I would have accidents. I would want to kill myself and there were very specific ways to self-injure that I was taught which I had to fight, literally, for a couple of years in order to stay alive to get to the deeper levels of memory. There were endless, endless internal landmines of boobytraps and programming that was intended to kill me or make me feel like I was crazy or insane. Then when you add to that all the people outside - my family that was programmed, the people who I was being perpetrated by, with all of that, it is nearly impossible to begin remembering unless you have a head injury or something happens that really shakes a person up. I also think that the continued trauma to myself, to my husband, to my children was one of the biggest forms of attempting to keep me under control, because the innate mother instinct is very strong and has been one that I have had to logically overcome in order to speak out, knowing that my children will be safer if I spoke out than if I kept silent. There were also phone accesses to codes that would be called, people would say either programmed phrases or set certain numbers on the phone where the phone would then play in my ear. It is endless. A web.

http://www.mindcontrolforums.com/radio/ckln23.htm

4:48 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mind Control Survivors' Testimony at the Human Radiation Experiments Hearings:
Valerie Wolf -- Claudia Mullen -- Christine deNicola

http://www.whale.to/b/wolf3.html

5:03 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Synchronicities

Ever discover something eye-opening, and have "it" pop-up in the newspaper, online, or in a movie days later - even if "it" is something inside you? It's been happening to me for 5 years now; more frequently as time goes by.

I, too, wonder where I fit in the grand scheme of things. What is my purpose here?

We watched THE WOODSMAN last night. Sometimes painful, at the end hopeful. Afterwards, we talked about it. We had no simple answers, as the characters were complex and victims of one thing or another.

Then we watched HOTEL RWANDA. It was painful and I cried a lot. Afterwards, I made a confession. I hate the sound of the jets which have been flying overhead more frequently these past 6 months. It's the sound I hate the most and I admitted the reason was because it makes me think of bombs being dropped on people.

While the realization that we are seeing more than corruption - that it is a crime syndicate at work here - did not shock me per se, but the evilness of it makes me crazy. I can't wrap my mind around it; it's so removed from me and who I am. These people are so empty inside. They are sad, pathetic, crippled. They have no capacity for love, joy, or compassion. They are made of HATE and FEAR. They are the WALKING DEAD.

I do not want to be like them.

I am reminded of some footage I saw on TV shortly after we invaded Afghanistan: a family wedding gathering not unlike ones here in the US. Dancing, laughing, full of joy and hope for the future. Not far away, you could hear bombs going off. In spite of the horror and death around them, these Afghans embraced life. I found that so amazing and I envied them.

Why is it that we here in America find so little joy in life?

I've found I need to embrace life's joy to counteract the negativity that often comes from going down those dark paths one takes to arrive at The Truth(s). It keeps me sane. It keeps HATE (and anger) from consuming me.

- sunny, warm days!
- warm summer nights!!
- laying on the floor in the sun with the cats (cats know how to live in the moment)
- a bird singing outside the window, one I'd never heard before around here
- seeing a butterfly (there doesn't seem to be as many around here anymore)
- the eerie echoes of flocking crows
- a full moon (especially on a warm night)
- a baby opossum I accidentally startled one evening (it froze upon seeing me and let me get quite close before it finally, slowly, made its way into the surrounding bushes)
- lazing in the sun and listening to the wind blowing through the trees

HATE will distract you from your "path", and send you instead down one of despair and hopelessness
HATE will prevent you from evolving
FEAR negates LOVE

At the end of HOTEL RWANDA I said: "If the time ever comes, I hope I will be the person I've always wanted to be."

5:43 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must say Jeff, it seems you have touched some readers with his article. Personally, it is just very hard to deal with on an intellectual basis.

To paraphrase another David Lynch statement on evil (Twin Peaks), I recall the FBI agent being asked if he truly believed there was an "Evil" that roamed the world, and the agent replied "Is it easier to believe there isn't, and people act like this on their own"?, Or something like that.

No, it isn't easier.

I'm turning the big 5 Oh this year. And, I really feel a kind of change in me occuring, a relaxing, a mellowing, a less urgent need to *succeed*, more of a feeling like hey, I'm friggin almost 50, and I've never killed or hurt anyone (at least not that I know of), my life is a success, now enjoy it more.

Which led me to again wonder about our current governmental situation in the US.

Seems these old white men AREN'T getting this feeling, aren't mellowing with age, don't feel successful (gawd knows how, they've managed to pull off the biggest fraud, 9/11, in history), and it makes me believe:

They are either bent on world destruction, have a hidden agenda (that is slowly becoming glaringly noticeable), and are actually anti-democratic or,

They are a bunch of mentally ill gangsters, enabled by their handlers to commit terrible crimes against humanity, and these handlers we seldom see.

Or a combination of both.

Btw, I also have hope, and history on my side.

Fascism has ALWAYS failed, rather quickly, in recent history, I might add.

And, in a society that is well armed, having been allowed the ILLUSION of freedom for so long, they will not be able to seal the fascism deal, which requires an unarmed populace.

It will be their fatal flaw.

The only real question is how many law enforcement, how many military personnel, will stand by them, and kill fellow Americans, before they are overthrown.

But it will happen.

6:21 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeff,

This is just a very difficult thing for most folk to accept.

The msm is too tightly controlled, the subject to nuanced, to appeal to thirty second sound bites. Which you need to catch the masses attention ( I don't blame them really, they are too worried about paying LAST month's credit card bills), and this won't do it.

Perhaps if people, enough bloggers, and readers, were to find ONE thing to concentrate on, to lay open, to expose to the antiseptic sunlight.... I mean, look what happened with Gannon, it actually was brought to msm, with bloggers on a panel with him!

To me, it is an actual, concrete event, televised and comes with recorded confession by one of the perps.

Make this administration explain WTC 7.

It ALL unwinds from there.

6:47 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeff,

This is just a very difficult thing for most folk to accept.

The msm is too tightly controlled, the subject to nuanced, to appeal to thirty second sound bites. Which you need to catch the masses attention ( I don't blame them really, they are too worried about paying LAST month's credit card bills), and this won't do it.

Perhaps if people, enough bloggers, and readers, were to find ONE thing to concentrate on, to lay open, to expose to the antiseptic sunlight.... I mean, look what happened with Gannon, it actually was brought to msm, with bloggers on a panel with him!

To me, it is an actual, concrete event, televised and comes with recorded confession by one of the perps.

Make this administration explain WTC 7.

It ALL unwinds from there.

6:47 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gwbushmalecheerleader said...

"This is just a very difficult thing for most folk to accept."

True, but it must be accepted. It must become part of what we know about ourselves as a species: a basic survival mechanism - the ability to dissociate, or traumatic amnesia, whatever you want to call it- leaves us open to being controlled.
If we do not come to realize that there are effective methods of mind control, then our children and all who come after will also be vulnerable to control. There will be no such thing as freedom.

In terms of strategy, exposing these programs in order to challenge the current fascist movement, you have a point. At the same time, anyone organizing against that movement must be aware of the tools in its enemy's arsenal, and mind control is one.

7:12 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Make this administration explain WTC7"
Mere humans will not be able to make them explain anything.They have become monstrously powerful(though their popularity is waning, a good sign)and absolutely corrupt,with vast aresenals, both military and psychological,to control the population.They are headed for a showdown-with God, at Armegeddon, and they will not win.

7:17 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeff, you have a big heart! :-)

Mary R. C.

7:33 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The comment about society being well armed....

I do not have a firearm but I am armed with knowledge and that counts for a lot.

Also, the woman who spoke about enjoying the joys in life despite the darkness and pain also present.

I also take joys in the small things. I'm 41 years old and have never been able to wear open toed sandles much. I bought my first pair of flip flop sandles with my daughter this week. Sounds dumb, but after wearing tennis shoes all my life when not at work, it's a whole new world to feel the air on my feet and walk in the grass. After all of these years, my feet are safe in the open air. Yea!

This last comment is directed to the comments about why people are so evil. I had a group of five or six pre school "parts" who told me a story once about why those mean people hurt them. They said it was real simple. They said all people are born with essense. They were born with a very big essense the size of a basketball. They said some people who are evil like our Dad were born with either no essense or very small essense. To survive, that bad Dad had to steal their essense to survive.

The little kids wanted to die because their life force was gone. Essense is also what makes life rich and beautiful. They started to die, but then, this beautiful angel (their beloved therapist) filled their heart up with her own essense. She gave them the greatest gift one could give to another...their life force. Despite giving so much of her essense, hers never got smaller or less intensely bright. They thought they were done with all the darkness but then the evil winds blew out their essense. The angel told them that to truly be free, they had to learn self generation of essense to protect them from all evil.

Now I am thirteen years stronger. Those little guys are all integrated but each one gives me strength and inner beauty. Now I am really well armed to fight all of this evil. I have pure and powerful essense. Sometimes I forget this so it is good to read Jeff's stuff. Reminds me why I came here and what lies ahead for me.

9:40 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

RE: Phone dialing stuff.

I'm Australian, I live with an RA survivor.

Last Christmas eve, we were set to go and spend the holidays with my family. My friend was working in the morning, and we'd planned to meet at home and drive from there.

There had been big problems with the perpetrators accessing her at work - phone calls and emails. Sometimes they would wait for her in a taxi out the front.

That day, she arrived home about an hour after we'd agreed. She was distraught, virtually unable to communicate. She indicated to me that she'd recieved a phone call from the perpetrators while she was at work, but she'd managed to leave the building and get home.

She collapsed on the couch, almost comatose. It was hours before she was able to move again.

Her cell phone was ringing. I picked it up. The moment I spoke, they hung up. It rang again. The same thing happened. Then our home phone rang. I picked it up.

And what I heard was 'white noise'. It was a high-pitched, electronic 'scream' coming down the phone lines.

That's mind control technology. In Australia. My friend has been programmed to respond to phonic signals ... in Australia.

Can someone explain that to me? What the hell is going on?

11:03 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to add:

Great thread and very moving, Jeff.

As far as fascism is concerned: I highly and urgently recommend people read Konrad Heiden.

"Der Fuhrer" and his "History of National Socialism" lays out the whole plan of the Fourth Reich.

FUHRER was written in 1944.

HISTORY was written in 1935.

It is WAY fresher today ...

11:25 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re: Phone dialing stuff

I don't have any background in this but I will ask my therapist who has added NET (Neruo Emotional Technique) to her therapy practice. It does not replace therapy but has helped me out in quantum leaps. I get past memories now in one or two sessions that before with traditional therapy would have been months. It is an incredible tool. I'll ask her this week if it can be used to destroy programming.

I'll ask my tech friends if there is anything for your home and work phones that can render the programming useless while still allowing the phone to work with normal voice communications. Love to buy you one of those blow horns to blow their eardrums out when they call.

Also, had a friend who had RA cult people knocking on her home walls in the middle of the night. I told her to set up some fire ant mounds around her house.

12:32 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a moving and incendiary post, Jeff! Brilliant.

Pray tell what is the title of the Acorn poem you quote last, and is that the poem in full? I was blasted by its beauty, its call to the most human of arms, and have spent the past hour reading about him.

3:49 a.m.  
Blogger Jeff Wells said...

Thanks, Richard. The Acorn poem is titled "My Big Heart," and that's it in full. I copied it from his collection "Dig Up My Heart: Selected Poems 1952-83". He was a wonderful political poet and a helluva character.

8:58 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous One,synchronicity,well wouldn't that be something if we all had the same dream,at the same time? We know what you dreamed,we told you what to dream,welcome to the machine.Allways thought we were being talked to in the 80's music,between the backward masking and the satanic symbols.But you have to give it to Hollywood.The way they are shaping the minds of the world is almost fun to watch.I can hear a loud warning bell going off,but it seems like I'm the only one who looks around to see whats wrong.What pill do I take,the red or the blue?I have seen many strange things in my life,some I still have no answers for.But we are about to enter the high weirdness,sprit world meets real world,call it magick or call it technology.
We are heading towards the event horrizon,hold on to your seats,later.

9:11 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If it's all high-pitched screaming (modem noises???) a properly-calibrated notch filter might work. From an audio standpoint it'd be worlds easier to design something with a recording of these noises. If you get a recording put it in .wav (don't rip down to mp3 or whathaveyou) to make sure most of the internal structure is preserved.

1:16 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gwbushmalecheerleader said:

"I'm turning the big 5 Oh this year. And, I really feel a kind of change in me occuring, a relaxing, a mellowing....Seems these old white men AREN'T getting this feeling, aren't mellowing with age, don't feel successful..."

I wouldn't necessarily say it is a race issue, but it is definately a pride issue. Like every other empire that has come before, it begins to weaken when it stubbornly decides it should grow beyond its current limits. Rather than gracely call it a day in the course of world history and take the weekend off to rest... the raging pride of a few is causing great pain and weariness to the many. Extremist elements within the Christian, Jewish, and Muslim faith are doing their best to see the world lit on fire. Same stupid wars for the same stupid reasons, just a new cast and crew.

I always have faith though that something above and beyond the extremists robots is calling the shots and all will be ok in the end.

5:08 p.m.  
Blogger Civic Center said...

I hope this doesn't sound too flippant and unfeeling, but anybody who watches "The Woodsman" followed on a double-bill by "Hotel Rwanda" is just asking for suicidal thoughts.

I watched a double bill myself last night, a Universal DVD of "Imitation of Life," both the 1934 Claudette Colbert version and the 1959 Lana Turner version, neither of which I'd seen (Claudette wins hands down, of course). The fact that a further remake right now would be essentially ridiculous because of its racial "passing" issues is a wonderful, hopeful development.

A poster right before me wrote a brilliant simple analysis of what's going on right now that I'd like to salute:

"I wouldn't necessarily say it is a race issue, but it is definately a pride issue. Like every other empire that has come before, it begins to weaken when it stubbornly decides it should grow beyond its current limits. Rather than gracefully call it a day in the course of world history and take the weekend off to rest... the raging pride of a few is causing great pain and weariness to the many."

8:43 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Part of the horror I found myself feeling this afternoon was at thinking that maybe abuse at the hands of sick, fucked up amateur individuals began to look slightly less evil than abuse by institutionalized, professional commerce-oriented groups and systems.

11:57 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To anon @ 11:57:

The pain and horror you feel is no less than any other survivor's. The level of damage may vary between people but I don't think the pain and horror vary.

9:08 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/issues/2003-02-13/news/nelson_print.html

1:46 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jeff,
Thanks for printing this story which included the horrors of the "scientific torture" of children. Many powerful people have harmed the most innocent of human kind...children. I agree with the premise of this story that many big hearts are required to bring justice to children who have had their human rights violated by such state actor torture.

In this new century I envision many such big pulsating caring hearts and many of them belonging to the youth of today, those who are willing to go beyond egocentrism and care about the suffering of others, in particular lttle children like Twee. As an adult living in this time I am honoured to be a part of such a caring movement.

For anyone who wants to help children who are being trafficked in the world I would recommend going to the website below to find ways to join such a movement to help children;
www.endhumantraffickingnow.org

with care, Linda MacDonald
www.ritualabusetorture.org

11:31 a.m.  
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